and while myself and my cat Tequila are in my room quietly minding our own business, my LOVE mirror promptly crashes to the floor and smashes into a gazillion pieces.
Hmmmm... that's an interesting start to the week....
Honestly I can do a reading from anything I see when I tune into it. And after clearing it all up as safely as I could, I then saw this gorgeous frame, with it's backing board still inside of it, and it is just asking to become a new mixed media piece! Where the glass is missing, there is the room for the depth of a really great textural piece. I am really looking forward to that.
I have a spare mirror as it happens. This one too will require some handywork by moi because I don't like the frame of it at all - black background with florals on top, edged in gold. So! step one = clean it (you can barely see your reflection in this one at the mo! and step two = paint it in lovely light and bright colours to go with the rest of the decor in The Sanctuary, or maybe decoupage it as I have some gorgeous papers I could use. I shall post the before and after pics when I do that.
So let's move into Monday of Love Week. I have set my intention to focus on Love all week. To look for it. To feel it. To Embody it. To give it wherever I can. To receive it. To focus on it, think about and honour it all week long.
The S.A.D. has been building and building under the surface and the weather really hadn't been great lately (that 'before' pic was taken a couple of months ago on a sunny day - the past few days have been dull). I am struggling.
I know how great I feel when I get outside regularly into the fresh air, and when I walk too; that movement does something magical to the body that helps it's equilibrium.
I also know that I have thought of this for the past 4 days - I know how good I will feel if I get outside and walk. I really must go for a walk tomorrow.
So something more than that is required, right?
1 - I got real about my intention. I get dressed into walking clothes and I say to myself I WILL walk today.
2 - Accountability : I have a little fun on Facebook by setting a little contest with my friends. Whoever manages to say the magic words that make me get off my butt and go for a walk is the winner. Something about that changed things. Just having said it out loud to lots of people shifted something; removed a block. I already had my hat on my head by the time I read the first two comments.
I didn't feel alone which helped. By the time I had just a few comments, it was like they were coming with me - and we all know it's easier to get out that door with a friend.
Also, I chose my accountability partners well. I know who I am connected with on FB. These women knew it would do me the world of good and that I was needing it, but they are also the kind of women who know that making me feel guilty or like I 'should' go won't do me any favours. They enticed me with thoughts of buying a lottery ticket while I was out - and maybe winning! A few women came up with the idea that I could buy chocolate, or chocolate cake or hot chocolate - hey, whatever gets you out the door right?
I love my tribe so much!
Here are just a few of the comments:
'There's shops with chocolate outside!'
'Fresh air makes you feel awake and alive!!! And there may be a cute man you can wink at!!'
'How do you feel most connected to Self? What makes you light up? Do that. Xo'
'I'd love to say I'll meet you for coffee and cake x'
..Aren't they just the best?
So I was already on my walk by the time many of them came through, but here's the comment that just slayed me :
"You deserve it darling"
It went straight to my heart, my core.
I teared up and whenever that happens I know it is my soul speaking to me. In its wisdom it knows things that my mind is sometimes blind to, and what happens during the winter when this thing I call Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) comes over me, is that that I start denying myself.
It doesn't seem like that at the time of course. It just feels like I can't be bothered. I have no energy. My motivation vacates, seemingly unwilling to come back until spring.
But the result none-the-less is that I stop caring for me. In my low moods, in the lack of productivity and positivity, when I feel I am not 'practising what I preach', I stop feeling like I even deserve to be good to myself, and yet there is sure as heck only one way that I am going to turn things around when it does get it's grip on me - and that is by self love and self care. Nourishment and nutrition, gentle movement and exercise and stretching. Joy, fun, dance, goofing around. And yes, chocolate cake! Whatever it takes.
You Deserve It Darling.
What do you need to hear that about?
It is a phrase I think I shall write up for myself and stick on my wall to remind me to say it to myself now and then.
Someone not struggling with depression might not understand this seemingly simple thing.
But it is so often the smallest things which make the biggest difference.
For me during the winter, a huge contributing factor to my mood is probably the lack of exercise and the stale central-heating air that I breathe. Sure the lack of UV light and the cold is the biggest factor to my changes in behaviour - but positive habits create positive feelings and positive movement within the body. It is nearly impossible to feel depressed whilst you are moving in joy. However cold it is out there, I ALWAYS feel better for having got layered up and spent some time outside. Quite why that knowledge isn't enough for the human mind I don't know - but we all that one right!
I KNOW it would be great for my health and my wallet if I stopped smoking.
I KNOW I will feel so much better if I eat healthier foods and take the time to prepare the good stuff instead of eat for convenience.
I KNOW that I will reach my goal weight / dress size / energy / fitness levels if I exercise 2 or 3 times per week.
Knowing what we want isn't always enough is it? Your body is wise and often far wiser than the mind and ego wish to acknowledge. If you take the time to tune in to the body and ask it what it truly needs, it will always tell you. You might not like the answer! But it's wisdom is ever present none-the-less.
The crucial thing when we become aware that our KNOWing what we need / want doesn't appear to be enough to make us automatically do that very thing - is to ensure that we don't criticise or berate ourselves when that does happen.
There are soo many factors influencing our complex brain, mind and body system at any one time. You could be receiving a pay off by staying put that you aren't even aware of. You could have biochemistry fluctuations that are changing how you feel. You might be nutrient deficient or even reacting to a foods such as dairy or gluten, leaving you with some brain fog, and a severe lack of oompf. You might even be fighting off a virus right now - and you may never be aware of it because your amazing body does a good job and you don't come down with it.
Regardless, there is never a need to chastise yourself or get angry with yourself when these things happen - that keeps you in that place of immobility because you have now decided that you are not good enough. If your brain thinks you aren't good enough, it'll be sure to keep you away from the 'prize' and keep you even more firmly stuck than you were before.
Be gentle. Not so quick to judge. It doesn't matter how small or how easy this thing 'should' be. Tune in to your body. When you can't seem to move into action, ask yourself questions rather than make statements about yourself. Especially; ask yourself what you need most right now.
And never forget, You deserve it darling.
It's Self Love Day on Thursday 13th - with that, and the fact that I am single, I am largely focusing on Self Love this week.
Today I took myself off for a date with myself to the cinema.
I saw The Book Thief and it was excellent. Granted, it was a bit of a weep fest at times, but I thoroughly enjoyed myself.
Also, an added bonus was that the Universe seems to be supporting me in my Love Week, as it gifted me the ticket for free. Why thank you so much!
Cherry on the cake.
Wednesday 12th Feb
I baked myself gluten free bread with oregano - only second venture into experimenting with baking my own gluten free breads!
It felt very nurturing, the act of baking for myself and supporting my diet which helps me to feel good, but also the gorgeous smell of baked bread - how Divine!
Thursday 13th Feb
OK, so today got a little carried away and I didn't end up writing my blog post for Self Love Day after all, and in fact I completely didn't register that it was Thursday and so suddenly at 9:30pm I realised I had missed my yoga class!
Hey ho - a friend came over who I enjoyed catching up with, and I also spent hours playing with paint! "Suuch fun!" (ala Miranda stylie)
"Reveal Your Heart To Me"...